tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5370884568160752646.post8348396538015880931..comments2024-02-23T08:34:49.655-08:00Comments on My Tango Diaries: He Says, She Says, at the MilongaMarihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08960763038363579526noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5370884568160752646.post-18036435855068620742011-03-27T11:18:25.455-07:002011-03-27T11:18:25.455-07:00needed to come back and read this one again. Than...needed to come back and read this one again. Thanks! :)<br /><br />BPBen, Bentley, and Bennetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01283032869224986574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5370884568160752646.post-73461102002992560652011-01-26T14:26:11.670-08:002011-01-26T14:26:11.670-08:00philemon - thank you for your comments and your in...philemon - thank you for your comments and your insights! Your comments certainly ring true, and I find myself going through periods of being less generous with the dances I accept especially when I am hurting or very tired (emotionally or physically). It can be a fine line to tread.Marikahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14195873941515232734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5370884568160752646.post-79146108871641219932011-01-24T01:21:18.252-08:002011-01-24T01:21:18.252-08:00Thanks Mari for the post. And btw, I just came acr...Thanks Mari for the post. And btw, I just came across your blog and I am so enjoying reading it. :)<br /><br />As why sometimes a leader may not choose to dance with someone, I'd like to add a few more reasons:<br /><br />* Rather watching followers' feet or face, I usually watch how a follower make the embrace, maintain the connection, and surrender. It means that I don't dance with the followers who dance in open hold most of the time.<br /><br />* As I have experienced, followers' technique (i.e. the way they embrace, connect, surrender) changes when they dance with different leads. There are a few tangueras in my community that I enjoy dancing with, but I learned to not dance with them just after they dance with a few leaders. As in my experience, it takes a while for them to come back to their normal enjoyable embrace. So I have to wait a couple of tandas.<br /><br />* In my community, we too strongly believe in fostering a community and dancing with beginners to help them grow. I do that often too. But sometimes as a result of dancing with beginner tangueras, I get so much pain in my back and arms that I cannot dance any more. So those nights I just stop dancing with beginners and I only dance with the ones who I enjoy their embrace.<br /><br />* I have learned that by dancing with beginners, I always have to make a trade-off: building a community and investing in having good dancers in future versus getting pain in my body and losing my subtle way of leading (and make it rougher and bigger so that our beginners can feel it and follow it). I usually try to keep a balance, but there are some special nights that we get some very good out-of-town dancers coming to my community. Those nights I can't afford to lose my nice warm embrace because of dancing even a few tandas with beginners. Those night I have to choose between no dance with beginners and great dances with those good out-of-town dancers; OR some dances with beginners and mediocre dances with the good dancers. It's fair to say that I too need good dances in order to improve in my tango journey.<br /><br />* I used to dance a lot with our beginners to help them get better. After a while I realized that abundance makes a commodity worthless! I realized that they don't appreciate any more the effort I put for them. The dances with me are just another number in their list. As soon as I decided to dance with them once in a while, now they pay more attention while we dance, and therefore, appreciate it more. Similar to this, sometimes I see in a milonga that a follower does not really care about the quality of the dances she gets. Her goal is to only maximize the number of tandas she dances that night. In those situations, I don't really feel bad not dancing with them, because I know if I don't dance with them, there are always random dudes who go and dance with them a few seconds after. <br /><br />* I respect myself, my follower, and the dance. If she does not, we don't really have to dance. On the other hand, there are beginner followers who really respect themselves as well as the dance. They reject random uncomfortable dudes who come to their table and ask them verbally. I am inclined to dance with those followers more often, even though I don't much enjoy dancing with them yet. They respect themselves, so I respect them too.<br /><br />Anyways, sorry for my very long comment. I look forward to hearing your opinions about my reasons. I am always interested in hearing different perspectives.philemonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5370884568160752646.post-77807720193355676282010-11-11T17:04:26.907-08:002010-11-11T17:04:26.907-08:00I have been dancing for many years and I'm a r...I have been dancing for many years and I'm a relationship coach. Plus, I'm writing a book about social dancing. So, I offer an additional piece of lore about dance invitations. <br /><br />If a woman is sitting amongst many others, it is a problem for the men. If the fellow is a caring soul, he will feel uncomfortable about inviting only one; and by doing so, all of the others may immediately become undesirable, if only in their own minds. Therefore, he may wait for a proper moment to single out his prey from the herd ...and he may never get that opportunity for the entire evening.<br /><br />On the dark side, an insecure guy may be very much afraid of a possible turn-down with the large amount of spectators in the immediate area of his invitation. I believe that may be the genesis of the cabeceo. <br /><br />BOTTOM LINE... Don't sit in the middle of a bunch of other women. I suggest not sitting too much, in the first place ...and, if you must sit and socialize with other women, sit at the edge of the herd. You can see this in action if you watch the nature shows where the lion singles out one specific target.Andrew Dancerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18115376645879148838noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5370884568160752646.post-27024864966236680412010-11-11T08:41:35.376-08:002010-11-11T08:41:35.376-08:00That's a nice post, thank!
I wanted to share t...That's a nice post, thank!<br />I wanted to share this post I wrote last year about a woman that did not dance with me and her explanation :]<br /><br />http://gonzaloorihuela.blogspot.com/2009/11/celebration.htmlGonzalo Orihuelagonga's blog - 3 sep 9 oct 2010 ... etiquetas: blog, gonga, gonzalo, orihuela, tango ... I funnel into this blog random thoughts, observations and situations in pursue of ... gonzaloorihuela.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5370884568160752646.post-64156998361138014692010-11-10T12:29:07.065-08:002010-11-10T12:29:07.065-08:00Anon - thank you for saying so warmly and so elega...Anon - thank you for saying so warmly and so elegantly what I was trying to say in my post. That's it exactly - be vulnerable, take the risk, and stretch ourselves.Marikahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14195873941515232734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5370884568160752646.post-66953631134665345642010-11-10T12:09:32.876-08:002010-11-10T12:09:32.876-08:00Thanks for your comments Keno - I've heard fro...Thanks for your comments Keno - I've heard from leaders over and over that looking happy about dancing is really the key to getting invited. It seems simple but it's trickier than I originally thought. I've seen pictures of myself where I look like I'm frowning, when I'm actually just really, really concentrating lol. I'm one of those people who frowns when they're thinking - so now I try to be a little more conscious of when I'm doing it.Marikahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14195873941515232734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5370884568160752646.post-12873636065673924002010-11-10T11:56:22.502-08:002010-11-10T11:56:22.502-08:00A great and thoughtful post. Mari, your perspectiv...A great and thoughtful post. Mari, your perspective is much appreciated. Bearing in mind, that the responsibility often (but not always) falls on the leader to "break the ice" by asking new people to dance, may I suggest that in tango - as in life - the more we "stretch" ourselves to risk rejection, to see beyond stereotypes, to be vulnerable, and to see the strengths that sometimes hide behind surface stereotypes - the richer our experiences will be. Always. And women who would love to be invited to dance - I mean this - please just make eye contact a little more often, and I for one WILL find a time and a place to ask you to dance. Thanks again Mari, great post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5370884568160752646.post-3863492287498255322010-11-10T10:17:11.104-08:002010-11-10T10:17:11.104-08:00Wow, I just have to add my little 1.5 cents of inf...Wow, I just have to add my little 1.5 cents of information to this. I was asked why I did not dance with everyone, and when I though about it in a 3 hr Milonga you only have between 12 and 18 tandas. Now with that being said this means If I dance every tanda I will only get to dance with 12 to 18 women, when you have between 20 and 30 to choose from how to you choose. (remember I do like to watch so just for this demonstration I will pick 11 tanda's to dance to)I would say I watch foot work and how the person enjoys dancing. I can tell a good lead from a bad lead just by looking at the face of the follow. Happy means good and frowning or very serious beans not so good. I tend to dance with follows that look like they are having fun, or just by the way they look at me. It's all up to the look in the eye with the nod wither I dance with you or not. My favoriate this year was a 78 YO who danced like a sports car with the power and emotion I loved. Best of luck KenoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com