My Tango Diaries

Once again I'm inspired inspired by Stephanie over at J'ai mal aux pieds , and her article about The Myth of Women Competition ( http://jaimalauxpieds. blogspot.com/2009/12/myth-of- women-competition-or-my.html ) . I've heard similar rumors from other communities about women competing for dances, for prime tables and seating etc. etc. - an overall atmosphere that women must compete with one another for dances. "Milongas are for dancing, not socializing." "There's never enough men!" "Men always want to dance with... dancers younger than me/older than me/beginners/advanced dancers . . ." I can't tell you how grateful I am to have never encountered this attitude. I've never known so many beautifully talented, brilliant, gorgeous women as I have in tango. Women who have encouraged me to come out when I was feeling to blue, too tired, too sore - whatever. As much as I talk (well, write) about experiences dancing making my milonga - s

After reading Alex's response to my last post, I found my response getting too long to leave in the comments. He wrote:, "There are many tango communities where the overwhelming majority of followers prefer (demand?) this style..." Alex - your choice of words is appropriate - I do find myself just on the edge of "demanding" estilo milonguero - though I don't mean to. I want to adapt to my partners - to match their styles and preferences. However my preferences show through whether I mean them to or not. In open embrace, with a more nuevo-style dancer, I have experienced entrega one time. With milonguero and apilado dancers, I experience entrega frequently. So I find myself playing the odds. Who wouldn't? (And when a typically open embrace dancer pulls me close to him, whether to execute a step or maybe to experiment, I wonder if he can feel the "thank you for this" in my embrace?) Regarding your wonderful posts about surrender (found here and

“The great living experience for every man is his adventure into the woman. The man embraces in the woman all that is not himself, and from that one resultant, from that embrace, comes every new action.” -- D. H. Lawrence (Photo credit: New York Times article "Argentine Nights" by Denny Lee back on March 16, 2008.) Over at J'ai mal aux pied , Stephanie has written a thought-provoking entry asking readers what it is that they most want to feel in an embrace. Johanna, at Tangrila, author of The Tao of Tango, sums up what does it for her with her post, "I'm so easy to please." What feels best to you? How do you want to be embraced? Is it different with different partners? Different music? The picture above, from Tejastango.com shows the most obvious characteristics of my favorite embrace. I like to feel the man's right arm all the way around my back - and I like it pretty firm compared to some followers I've talked to. One woman who shares my love of

"It Made My Tanda/Milonga" You may have seen the very funny website, "It Made My Day" ( http://itmademyday.com/ ) - or "IMMD". People post something they overheard or saw that made them laugh (or sometimes just feel good). I have frequently caught myself thinking that one particular thing made the tanda wonderful, or even my whole evening at a milonga. Sometimes something funny happened and took the pressure off. So how about you? Can you think of something that made your tanda? Or your whole milonga? Here are a couple of mine . . . I was dancing with one of my favorite partners when the beautiful song "Malena" came on. My partner hummed softly to the beginning, and then very quietly sang along - in Spanish. And then in English. IMMM Just as I was about to leave a particularly rough milonga, a very sweet tanguero asked me to dance. I told him I was so tired and not dancing well, and he said "that's okay, we'll just walk." And we

"So, pick and choose. Improvise. Hide away. Run after them. Stay still. Move at an astonishing speed. Shut up. Scream a rumor. Turn around. Go back without returning. Upside down. Let your feet do the thinking. Be comfortable in your restlessness. Tango." Tango and the Political Economy of Passion by Marta E. Savigliano Something is up, but I don't know what. I'm restless. I'm writing, but nothing is good enough lately. Nothing comes out the way I want it to. With my friends, I'm either reaching out or pulling away, but never still. I'm dancing more because I'm having such a hard time writing. I want to dance until the buzzing in my head goes quiet. All my thoughts feel like white noise with no content - like the scrolling headlines on the news channels. It's all important, so none of it is. There's just too much. No more excuses . . . At least there's one more tiny victory. I no longer start every tanda with a new leader with t

The first time I watched the video of myself dancing, I thought my feet looked so terrible. Instead of being turned out a bit, walking on the inside edge, my feet were turned inward. I looked pigeon-toed and awkward. I was following what was led, not making mistakes, and I felt well connected to my partner. But I just couldn't take my eyes off my feet. So, I told myself I'd continue working on it, but ultimately what mattered most was my connection to my partner and my ability to follow what's led. After all, my leader can't see my feet. Right? Still, I watched other dancers. I asked teachers and followers about balance and foot placement. I put into practice what Silvina Valz taught about ochos (and the various steps that can be led from that position) which was to keep the knee of the non-weighted leg slightly behind (instead of in front of) the weighted leg's knee. That makes the appearance of the swivel or pivot sharper and allows for faster and easier change of

Some days I feel like my body is conspiring against me. First it was the heat . . . Friday night in the midst of the most wonderful dances, I felt suddenly too warm. Then hot. Then very, very hot. Not the kind of hot from a warm room filled with lots of people dancing - I mean radiating hot. This after making a concerted effort to relax all of the muscles that I could - to release tension. After reading Movement invites Movement's post . I decided to try a little conservation of energy as it were. And it was working. Releasing all of that tension that was keeping my muscle taut was making me feel cooler. Of course it helped that I was dancing primarily with favorite partners to favorite music -relaxed and comfortable. And suddenly I wasn't. At first I thought it's much too early for it to be that and then I checked my watch. Almost midnight. Never mind. It was right on time. (Warning: Like it wasn't bad enough that I wrote about bras and body odor - now I'm going t

♫ To all the men I've dissed before ♫ The emails keep coming, along with comments, and so far, one phone call. My ranty post, "Insert Rude Gesture" has generated rather a lot more feedback than I anticipated it would. I have also heard from a few of the tangueros who made the comments that inspired the post. The responses have ranged from. "I didn't mean it like that" - to "I never said that" (actually I still have your email right here, boy-o.) It doesn't really matter who said what, when. Those exact comments are all over dance forums and mailing lists. The email that gave me the most pause was the one that said, "you promised no trash-talking on your blog." That's true. And my last post rode that line. I still reserve the right to rant and rave occasionally because it's still my blog and my soapbox. I didn't think I was getting personal but it was taken that way. I am sorry for that. However, I am not sorry for my op

[rant] I don't mind dancing open embrace. I don't even mind being led nuevo moves if there's room on the floor (despite my boleo-bashing rants I occasionally post.) There are a few leaders I dance with on a regular basis that dance only open embrace and I enjoy dancing with them. What I do mind is being told that I enjoy close embrace/estilo milonguero/apilado because: 1.) it's easier than open embrace/nuevo, 2.) I don't have to be on the music (wtf?) 3.) I don't have to support my own weight, 4.) or maintain my balance/axis, 5.) because I'm (with the rest of apilado dancers in particular) lazy. (double wtf??) I also don't agree that I should like open embrace/nuevo because it "exposes all your mistakes and makes you a better dancer." [/rant] PS - I did try to come up with a classier title than "Insert Rude Gesture" but since the first working title was "Bite Me", I figured that was improvement enough.