My Tango Diaries

This blog post is in reference to a heart-breaking email I received from a follower who frequently feels like one leader in particular is constantly grading her "performance" at the milonga, assessing her skill level, and letting her know, through subtle and not so subtle ways, when he's disappointed by what she's able, or not able, to do. This person isn't her teacher or a steady dance partner. Just someone who is frequently attending the milongas. Assessment is not what social tango at the milongas should be about. MsHedgehog wrote a terrific post, Called "Diagnostics" about leaders who perform a sort of diagnostic as they dance, trying (usually just 1 or 2) different movements and gauging their follower's responses. In this way the leader is able to determine her skill level, and comfort level, and meet her where she is in her dance. I also tried to explain something similar in a post called "Leading from the Bottom Up" . Leaders, if yo

It's all in the hips . . . Well, all in my *right* hip - the trouble, that is. I suffered a labral tear in dance class many, many years ago and even though my hip rolled back into place fairly quickly, the damage stuck around for quite awhile. Since I started tango, I've had to learn how to dance on a hip that doesn't pivot right and locks whenever I place my balance over it. When I started doing the physical therapy exercises I remembered from way-back-when, I thought the locking was mostly a case of "guarding behavior' - favoring and protecting the hip that was injured. But as I've tried to work on it, it isn't a matter of just loosening up, or not actively locking the hip - it's a matter of relearning how to move on that hip. Right now I can't do the exercise in tango-blog.com's side step exercise (see video) without my right hip locking. I can unlock it/loosen it when I notice it, but it takes time and attention. When dancing, I've mostl

"Everyone, when they take the embrace, it would be like telling a secret to the person you are dancing with." -- Carlos Gavito, Un tal Gavito Somewhere, at some point, there was a debate about the leader's left hand position. Some of the older posts on the subject are on Alex Tango Fuego's blog and on TangriLa's blog - more about the thumb position actually, but it ties in. Really, it does. I can't find the more recent post that actually got me thinking about it, but if someone knows where it is, I'd really love to find it again. In the classes I attended early on, leaders were told to have their left hand somewhat facing their own face. At first it reminded me a bit of this: (David Tennant as Hamlet. Really this was just an excuse to have a picture of Tennant in my blog.) How was that supposed to be comfortable? And recently the discussion, that I can't seem to locate now, is about that very thing. That the nearly "wrist-to-wrist" connectio

Part I - A Very Long Diversion into the Embrace.. The tango embrace is my greatest source of pleasure from this dance. It is also my greatest frustration. Every leader is different, and so is every teacher. My most negative experience in a tango workshop was being told in front of an entire class that my embrace was (in much harsher terms than this) unacceptable . Even as I was being corrected and told to keep my hand on the leader's right shoulder blade, I felt like the corrected embrace was not very comfortable for me, especially as my partner at the time was shorter than I was. But I did what I was told. In that embrace I had the option of my elbow jutting out (creating a gap between the bend of my elbow and my leader's shoulder) or pulling my elbow in and down, thereby restricting the movement of my leader's right arm. I kept as light as I could, so that I wouldn't weigh his arm down, but I still felt a little more disconnected and like I was constantly lagging behi

As unrelated to tango as anything can ever really be in my life. Which is to say, still a little related. Tonight I remembered why I stopped trying for so long. I remembered when you told me, after listening to me prattle about my day at school so many years ago, "you know I really don't care about this right?" I knew then it was always going to be about your way. I shut my mouth. You told me to always ask questions, but not to question you. I learned that we couldn't just disagree, I could just be wrong. You want my knowledge for your tool box, but you still dismiss me, In my own home. I'm still going to try. I'm still going to give you what you've asked for. But now I remember the price. There's something to it, what people say about the dance. That often we're looking for something we missed in our past, in the partners we dance with. Maybe it's just an illusion of the embrace, an enchantment of the music... but it feels so shatteringly rea

Periodically someone, usually a man, will be bring up the topic of "proper tango shoes." If he's referring to the problem (and dangers) of trying to dance in flip-flops, or mules, or platform shoes etc., those are definitely valid, and very helpful points to be made. The likelihood of damaging your feet is very high without the proper support of high quality shoes. My problem comes with the idea that the *only* proper tango shoes have 4" stiletto heels on them and fetish-worthy embellishments. (Okay, I'm pretty keen on the embellishments myself.) "goofy ballroomy shoes are a turnoff... get rid of them..." - Alex Tango Fuego (granted this is from 2007), http://alextangofuego.blogspot.com/2007/10/to-dance-or-not-to-dancebrutally.html And, in the comments on a blog post, Anonymous said... " This is a controversial one. If a follower isn't wearing tango shoes then it's usually a good sign she's not particularly good." From Ms. Hedgeh

For the first 10 or so months in my tango life, I had the unshakable, sometimes paralyzing, feeling that I was really only impersonating the woman I wanted to people to see. I was playing dress up in a real dancer's clothes. I was deeply afraid of being found out. Looking at myself in the mirror constantly reminded me I was trying to hide. I wanted so very much for others to see this person I'd made up, a confident, graceful dancer - not the woman I saw reflected back at me. The person I saw in the mirror was, and occasionally still is, caught in the picture of a stinging childhood epithet, "ugly, little geek." Whenever I looked in the mirror at my posture, or my walk, I'd ask myself who I thought I was kidding. What did I want to accomplish so badly? The phrase kept repeating in my head as I tried to look feminine, graceful and strong. Sometimes, though rarely now, it's still in there whispering in my ear . . . Ugly. Little. Geek. It was meant to be a playful

“Flow is a harmonious experience where mind and body are working together effortlessly, leaving the person feeling that something special has just occurred…This is because flow lifts experience from the ordinary to the optimal, and it is in those moments that we feel truly alive and in tune with what we are doing.” - Susan A. Jackson and Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi, from Joy in Motion Ever since I wrote about flow on the dance floor , I've gotten emails asking me to explain what I meant by it - to elaborate further on what one type of music has related to another. It's been a bit of a mess trying to explain this well, but here goes. I have what I think sounds like a simple idea - but for something so simple at first blush, it's gotten pretty complicated to try to articulate. So please be patient while I tug at the threads of this and see if I can unravel the thoughts in my head. I'm limited in my musical vocabulary, so there are some terms I might not be using correctly - o

Such a beautiful song, and I've had it in my head for days. Finally, I decided I need to read the full translation so that my earworm has actually meaning. Like most tangos, it's sad. It crying over a woman. To further highlight the beauty of the dancing possibilities for this one, I've also embedded a videos of the uber-fabulous Ney Melo and Jennifer Bratt and Melina Sedó and Detlef Engel performing to it. You can see another beautiful interpretation of the song by Detlef and Melina HERE. Llorar Por Una Mujer To cry for a woman Music by: Enrique Rodriguez Lyrics by: Enrique Cadicamo Translated by: Alberto Paz Another translation for comparison, is available from tangoDC.com by Jake Spatz Conozco muchos que después de criticar se fueron a clavar en un cariño y esos, después de reír, los he visto sufrir y llorar como niños... Ahí nadie puede guapear porque he visto aflojar hasta el más sobrador. Si no querés pifiar tendrás que caminar con cuidado en el amor. Llorar, llora

On of the most challenging songs to dance to, and one of my very favorites! 2010 Seoul Tango Festival Grand Milonga 3rd performance - 1st of May 2010

More than six months ago now, I wrote a post called An Intimate Mixture . I still occasionally get emails about it, which I admit surprises me. Time has gone by so fast, I decided it might be good to revisit the post and update a few thoughts.    Intimate 1600–10; intim(us) a close friend (n. use of the adj.) - characterized by or involving warm friendship or a personally close or familiar association or feeling, - (of an association, knowledge, understanding, etc.) arising from close personal connection or familiar experience, - worn next to the skin, - showing a close union or combination of particles or elements: an intimate mixture , - inmost; deep within, - of, pertaining to, or characteristic of the inmost or essential nature; intrinsic, - of, pertaining to, or existing in the inmost depths of the mind,     In the US, the word "intimate" is a loaded word. When I say I have close, intimate friends - the meaning could be innocent (itself a misleading, and loaded, wor

I love tango shoes with decorations, but I don't have the moolah for Greta Floras with the adorable leather flowers, or Comme il Fauts with bows and lace (even if I could find a pair that fit) so I found a vintage(ish) solution - shoe clips!! Why didn't I think of this sooner? I love the vintage clips from "Not Just Musi Bows" on Ruby Lane - they're very nicely priced and have lots of unique styles. The backs are c-shaped (and very flat) to fit the shape of the shoe well, and priced very nicely - starting around $11. The selections are a bit limited but have lots of pizazz. You can get new, really glitzy ones from Absolutely Audry like these, for about $25. Absolutely Audrey has a pretty impressive selection in just about any color imaginable - but the price is a bit higher. It's really a matter of what kind of look you're going for. If you need to match a particular outfit, Absolutely Audrey is probably the way to go. (Pictured above "Juliette&qu

(Pictured above, Carlos Gavito and Marcela Duran, photographed by Alex Waterhouse-Hayward .) So far I am slightly less pleased with Disc 2 of Un tal Gavito . The moves and sequences are larger in this series, and open the embrace frequently. That said, I believe this is another example of something I've noticed about many (frequently Argentine, though not always) teachers, where a sequence or step is taught with the purpose demonstrating and refining a technique rather than for the pattern itself. Far more than the previous DVD, the movements in this part of the program are focused on maintaining balance and control of one's axis (with the exception of the very first sequence, salida in carpa (or deep apilado or lean, for which Gavito is famous). Side Note: I was very happy that he explained and demonstrated salida in carpa (led from the back ocho) because I find it so beautiful and intriguing - exemplifying, for me anyway, the power and beauty of surrendering completely to

Those of you readers who are "friends" of mine on Facebook have probably noticed that I update there ( http://www.facebook.com/marijohnson ) quite a bit more than I update here on my blog. Facebook makes it very quick and easy to share videos, pictures and links and so I got into the habit of posting "quick" tango links and updates on my Facebook page, rather than taking the time to do it here. Not only has the Facebook habit been siphoning off my creativity and productivity, but it's come at a higher and higher cost to my privacy (as anyone who has been monitoring Facebook's changes lately can tell you). To deal with the privacy issues, to the best of my ability, and without actually deleting my account, I've removed almost all personal information from my profile, deleted all of my "Likes" which are really just used for marketing purposes, and went through all of my privacy settings to change from the default "social" settings, to t