An Update of Sorts


(Photo courtesy of morguefile.com)


I am still here. And I am still dancing.

I am sorry for the long silence. It wasn't for lack of something to write, rather too many things all vying for attention and freedom. It was writer's block in the form of 'writer's bottleneck'. Too many things going on - in my job, in the world, in my head. Just too much.

I had to take a couple of steps back and think about some things.

One clear idea that has come from my step (or two, or three) back, is that tango returned me to my Buddhist practice. I don't say that lightly. No one could be more surprised by that than I am. I struggled for several years, off and on, with a frustrating and half-hearted practice. Never truly embracing the path . . .

The problem with taking steps back from writing to look at things is that, while it gains perspective in some ways, it begins to cut one off from other perspectives. Other voices. For me, that silences the writing. I can't write in a vacuum. Every post I write is a letter to someone - or several someones. I write in dialogue, even if I'm the only one who knows it.

On Facebook, where I had also been fairly inactive, I managed one short update that I hoped wouldn't be too cryptic:

"I was embraced in such a feeling of Metta (loving-kindness) during the milongas this weekend. Sometimes for just the briefest moment, sometimes entire tandas - every time in tremendous gratitude. I am so blessed."

Those are the moments I see the path most clearly. Carrying that clarity with me during work, and stress, and bad moods, and arguments - that's the tough part. But it's there. I'm carrying it with me all the time.

Tango.
The embrace.
Metta.

5 comments:

Joy in Motion said...

Isn't it amazing where tango can lead you? I'm definitely craving those moments of clarity myself.

Love this: "Every post I write is a letter to someone - or several someones. I write in dialogue, even if I'm the only one who knows it." This is a keeper for me personally.

It's so good to hear from you again. You've been missed!

Elizabeth said...

Thanks for updating us Mari. I have been working on an open heart devotional practice in yoga for awhile and tango has been an excellent place to put this into a real life situation with many opportunities for challenges and growth. Best to you.
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Tom Tubbs said...

Hello - I saw your comment on http://elizabethbrinton.blogspot.com/ - very much looking forward to hearing about the book you're reading on translations, and possible posts on a few of the more common tangos and their lyrical translation in context with the period, composer.
Do you use all 3 blogs (My Tango Diaries, The Sharp Tanguero and The Thrifty Tanguera)? I'm slightly confused!

Relja Dereta said...

It's so nice to have you back, and truly wonderful to see how much tango can do for a person!

When and if you feel like you can write more about it, it would be great to hear more about this influence tango has had on you (concerning Buddhism

Mari Johnson said...

JoyinMotion - Thank you for comments - and it is amazing isn't it? I'm constantly in awe of where this tango life leads.

Elizabeth - I've found many parellels in yoga and tango - and each practice seems to help the other. I actually have some "yoga for tango dancers" classes this weekend - which should be fun, and challenging. :)

Tom - I do use all three blogs - Tanguera and Tanguero are sub-blogs that have been getting even less love than the main one unfortunately. I'm working on rectifying that. Also, I should have the first set of scanned pages of translations up this weekend. (Fingers crossed) Thanks for reading and commenting!

Relja - thank you for your kind words. I'm working on more posts, but it's difficult to find the words sometimes - and I worry about getting so far into that side of my tango experience, that some readers might get put off. I'm trying to find ways to strike a balance - we'll see how successful I am at that. :)