(Photo courtesy of morguefile.com)
I am still here. And I am still dancing.
I am sorry for the long silence. It wasn't for lack of something to write, rather too many things all vying for attention and freedom. It was writer's block in the form of 'writer's bottleneck'. Too many things going on - in my job, in the world, in my head. Just too much.
I had to take a couple of steps back and think about some things.
One clear idea that has come from my step (or two, or three) back, is that tango returned me to my Buddhist practice. I don't say that lightly. No one could be more surprised by that than I am. I struggled for several years, off and on, with a frustrating and half-hearted practice. Never truly embracing the path . . .
The problem with taking steps back from writing to look at things is that, while it gains perspective in some ways, it begins to cut one off from other perspectives. Other voices. For me, that silences the writing. I can't write in a vacuum. Every post I write is a letter to someone - or several someones. I write in dialogue, even if I'm the only one who knows it.
On Facebook, where I had also been fairly inactive, I managed one short update that I hoped wouldn't be too cryptic:
"I was embraced in such a feeling of Metta (loving-kindness) during the milongas this weekend. Sometimes for just the briefest moment, sometimes entire tandas - every time in tremendous gratitude. I am so blessed."
Those are the moments I see the path most clearly. Carrying that clarity with me during work, and stress, and bad moods, and arguments - that's the tough part. But it's there. I'm carrying it with me all the time.