My Tango Diaries

One of my favorite things about designing custom shoes for Mr. Tango Shoes customers, was being able to tailor the patterns to clothes dancers enjoyed wearing to milongas. What an easy way to set your look apart! I stopped designing shoes because it was so time and labor intensive, but I really missed doing design work. So now I've turned it around and I'm on RedBubble, designing clothes and accessories that match dancers' shoes instead. I wish I'd found this site ages ago! The tough part right now is not designing an entire wardrobe of accessories for myself! So save me from myself and give me some ideas of what you'd like to see. I'm already perusing the latest, greatest shoe models hitting the stores here and in Buenos Aires - as well as taking a peek at Pantone's upcoming color features. In my store, Infinite Tango on RedBubble , also look for my artwork making its way onto tote bags, t-shirts and even scarves! While I haven't been able to ...

Making the Tango Honeymoon Last - for you, and for other dancers too. Part I: Vignette "At the Crossroads . . ." Maestra: Grande! Grande! (exasperated sigh) You dance too small, too quiet. You hold too much back. Me (looking at my feet and feeling disproportionately defensive by her remark): Well, I get plenty of dances at the milonga. (I admit, not one of my better moments.) Maestra: (sigh) That is because you are simpatico . Despite the sound of it, Maestra was not criticizing me, or giving me a backhanded compliment with that description, however nor was she complimenting me. Her appraisal was almost completely neutral. I thought about that remark for weeks. What did she mean? Was I only getting dances because I was nice? Did she mean my dancing wasn't very good? Was I coasting? Did leaders just feel sort of bad for me and that's why they asked me to dance? Finally I came to a realization about myself and about what tango means to me. If I get danced as much as ...

Most of our assumptions have outlived their uselessness . Marshall McLuhan Tuesday at Texas French Bread Milonga with Glover Gill Glover Gill at Texas French Bread Bakery's Tuesday Milonga As always, I had so many wonderful dances with generous, gifted and warm-hearted tangueros at TFB. What is it about that place that brings such a beautiful feeling? I was in a state of joy from just about beginning to end. A tall tanguero arrived from out of town. We had danced before, but I was a little bit greener then. (Okay, I'm still green...) I couldn't quite remember - did we dance close? Was I still keeping my distance then? Seems like ages ago . . . He asked with a nod, and I accepted. At the edge of the crowded dance floor, he offered his close embrace. I wonder if he noticed I was relieved. The music started and in a moment I found it - the sweet spot on his chest. I could hear the music through him. Even the crazy Santana piece later. (Things get a little wild tow...

Ever decreasing funds and limited time (hello, back-to-school studying) have me re-evaluating how and where I spend what little discretionary income I have on tango. Prices are going up for everything - food at restaurant milongas, gas, and the entrance fee has gone up at one of the milongas. I understand the cost of things (floor fees, utilities etc) all go up and organizers/teachers can't absorb that cost. Unfortunately, I can't absorb that cost either. :( So now I'll be dancing less which doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I've been having some absolutely wonderful dances and I'm constantly enchanted by the warm, wonderful community I'm lucky to be a part of. What I'm lacking in quantity, I'm more than making up for in quality, I think. But still . . . it requires a bit of planning and prioritizing to figure out my dance schedule. Calculating the Tango Budget First and foremost I want to support our tango musicians we're so lucky...

(picture of Ney Melo and Jennifer Bratt from La Planchadora's LOLTango .) The Good News Another lovely weekend of dancing with beautiful music from Li and Fil - both at Esquina and at Tapestry practica last night. In fact last night's practica was very productive. I was able to work on a pretty full range of styles - from shared weight/apilado/carpa movements to very open nuevo moves (including soltadas (yes, even soltadas), shadow leading, volcadas great and small, boleos, ganchos and leg wraps.) I'm usually up for almost anything at practica and I really enjoy the practice. It is only at milongas that I get fairly conservative. So while you may see me doing series of boleos, ganchos and leg wraps all over the place at practica, don't be surprised if you get less enthusiasm for those from me at the milonga. Just saying... The Not-so-Good News "Ladies, you can blame your partner making you bump into somebody. You can also blame him when someone steps on you, but y...

(Photo 1: Warming up the floor before the milonga.) There is a lot to love about dancing at Texas French Bread (a campus-area restaurant and bakery). Walking in and smelling herbs roasting for the dinner entrees, warm bread, plus cakes and other desserts from the counter - irresistible! Outside, the street is gray and dark, lit only with the cold fluorescent lights from other buildings and street lights. The lights from TFB's windows shine gold and warm - so inviting. If I arrive a little late, Glover Gill is already playing and I can hear the piano just as I get to the door. When I close my eyes, I can hear layers of music, glasses clinking, shoes whispering over the floor. This milonga is the highlight of my week. This last Tuesday I only had enough time for a few tandas, then I had to return to campus, and then take the bus home. First tanda of the night, I danced with El Oso ("El Abrazo de Oso"), I was still so cold from being outside. We danced off the chill by the...

You say goodbye and I say hello Hello hello I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello More milonga observations . . . "You say goodbye, I say hello... " When I first started going to milongas, I would enter as quietly as possibly, skirt the edge of the room and sit at the back. If someone waved or said "hi", I'd manage a little wave back. I wanted to avoid drawing attention to myself at all costs. That, and it's a bit of habit. In my family, we tend to arrive at and leave gatherings quietly - not wanting to interrupt anyone. Of course milongas are filled with strangers (at least in the beginning when I first started going), not family and friends, so there's an added stress. Not sure of the customs and habits of other dancers, I kept to myself initially. Then I met La Milonguera. Or rather she came over to meet me. La Milonguera seeks out new faces and makes them feel welcome. She greets them, asks where they're from, and introduces them ar...

I'm turning my blog into a Dear Tango-Abby for just a moment. This kind of question has turned up on other blogs and forums, so I thought I'd address it more thoroughly here. The usual caveat applies - what follows is my opinion from my observations, and may or may not be relevant in other tango communities. YMMV. From my email . . . "There's a leader that I really like, but he's never asked me to dance. Is it okay to ask him why?" Short answer: No. Much longer answer: There might be an opportunity to approach him in a constructive way during practica or a class that you both attend, to simply ask if you might practice sometime on whatever it is you or he is working in class/practica. And then leave it to him. You said in another part of the email that you've tried the casual small talk at the snack table and cabeceo'ing him - so beyond that, depending on the preferences in your community, I would leave it at that. If, however, it's quite common...

In response to an email I received about being too sanguine at the milonga, and not doing enough to ensure others (followers) got to dance . . . I did say we should look out for one another and encourage each other, you're right. We should. But that will only go so far - the rest is up to each individual dancer. To get dances at the milonga, you have to look like you want to dance. 1. Sit as close to the dance floor as you are able. Remember Jantango's Front Row Advantage . "But my friends are sitting in the back." Then you might have to make a choice - chat or dance. This isn't Buenos Aires so you don't have to sit in one spot all night long - you can move around, chat a bit, then take a seat in the row of chairs along the floor for awhile. 2. Appear ready to dance. Your posture counts, even when you're sitting and not dancing. Feel tall, even in your chair. (I'm guilty of constantly slouching, so this is my own personal pet-peeve.) Uncross your arms...

The first milonga of 2010. A new decade. So many wonderful tandas. A more relaxed milonga than NYE. Dancing with J. and F. in particular, always makes me feel so grateful to have stayed in tango. My first challenging/constantly apologizing/anxious dances with them all those months ago - I thought surely neither of them would ever ask me to dance again. On making resolutions . . . I'm not making resolutions this year. That is, I'm not making specifically New Year's resolutions. I am always working on things - always setting goals for myself. There are things I would like get through/get over/get done - as always, but they are ongoing. Sometimes I'm disappointed that I can be in such completely new territory and still have so many old, bad habits. That's the rub I guess - we always take ourselves with us, no matter how far we go. For example, I would like to be consistent about not apologizing for the things I don't know, or don't do well. It's better - an...

Once again I'm inspired inspired by Stephanie over at J'ai mal aux pieds , and her article about The Myth of Women Competition ( http://jaimalauxpieds. blogspot.com/2009/12/myth-of- women-competition-or-my.html ) . I've heard similar rumors from other communities about women competing for dances, for prime tables and seating etc. etc. - an overall atmosphere that women must compete with one another for dances. "Milongas are for dancing, not socializing." "There's never enough men!" "Men always want to dance with... dancers younger than me/older than me/beginners/advanced dancers . . ." I can't tell you how grateful I am to have never encountered this attitude. I've never known so many beautifully talented, brilliant, gorgeous women as I have in tango. Women who have encouraged me to come out when I was feeling to blue, too tired, too sore - whatever. As much as I talk (well, write) about experiences dancing making my milonga - s...

Something changed in me, in my dancing and in my goals, when I realized that the milonga experience was more important to me than my individual dance experience. When I decided that I was a part of a community, I couldn't just "take my ball and go home" if I didn't like something. I became committed, not just to tango, but to a group of people and experiences. I started looking for ways to have that "tango flow" milonga-bliss experience more consistently - paying more attention to the factors and actions (mine and others) that generated that feeling - and those factors that caused it to fall apart. It's more than just "being the tango you want to see in the world". Because, let's face it - some dancers are exactly the tango they want to see in the world, and they're the ones kicking folks on the pista. When the experience of the community took priority over everything else, I became more aware of my effect on other dancers on the floor ...

A wonderful weekend of tango - three days of lovely dances. Saturday I was so tired that I kicked off my shoes and danced three tandas in my stockings - which is quite a liberating experience. And I must admit that tangueros in socks are quite endearing. For the most part my weekend of dancing was one of warm embraces, fantastic take offs and landings, newly discovered comforts, and deep enjoyment of the wonderful tango community have found myself immersed in. It was also time to let go of the biggest obstacle in my enjoyment and growth as a dancer. I am finally starting to let go of "dancing in a state of apology" - that constant feeling of not being good enough - not following well enough. Thanks to the words one of my favorite local leader's on his own blog, Tango Beat ( http://tango-beat.blogspot.com ), I am trying to dance in a state of joy. I am trying simply to be happy in being able to do this as often as I can for as long as I can. I am through apologizing for th...

Something that did surprise me about last weekend's hazardous milonga, is that one dancer, who usually dances larger, more nuevo style steps, was one of the dancers that kept me safest on the floor. I danced with him toward the end of the night when I was already a bit battered and anxious. He was perfectly calm, held me in close embrace and made me feel incredibly safe. He danced to the floor conditions and to the music. Even when I was flinching and "eek!"-ing all over the place (at other dancers, not at anything my partner was doing) - I could actually close my eyes for a few seconds at a time. He didn't bump me into anyone. I never felt anyone's heel hit me. So my homework for the week - to be repeated as necessary: I will not make assumptions about nuevo dancers. I will not make assumptions about nuevo dancers. I will not make assumptions about nuevo dancers.

In terms of milongas, there are chaotic floors, and then there are hazardous floors. Last week's milonga at a local coffee shop, which is usually a challenging venue anyway, was downright dangerous. Several followers, myself included, ended up bruised and scraped, not only from errant stiletto heels but from men performing their own adornments on a floor that had no room for it. At certain venues, you will always brush up against other couples - it's almost impossible not to. In those situations, for the sake of everyone's shins and calves, leaders and followers should both try to keep their feet on the floor. That night also taught me that I need to be more selective about accepting dances when the floor gets perilous. Normally I try very hard to adapt to the style of my partner. If a leader always wants to dance open embrace, I try to accommodate. However if everyone on the floor is dancing close embrace because there's no room to dance otherwise, I have a decision to...

But what if I don't want to be Femme Fatale or a Wallflower? What if I just want to dance? " . . . all women who approach the milonga scene must learn, sooner or later, that every time they enter a milonga, they will do so as a wallflower. A woman's wallflower position will be tested every single night at the milonga, no matter how good a dancer she is. The events of the night, some of which are easier to predict than others, will bring her, more or less successfully, out of this position and closer to its opposite, the one of the dancing femme fatale. Dancing makes the difference. The wallflower becomes the femme fatale by dancing a sufficient quantity and quality of dances. But at the beginning of the night, unless she arrives with her set dancing partner, every woman wallflowers - and to a certain extent, do do men. Nobody enjoys it, and some are better at it than others." "In order to move out of the wallflower positon, you must become an object of desire, m...

"Before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos. Before a brilliant person begins something great, they must look foolish in the crowd." -- I Ching I have been told now six times, by six different tangueros, that I seem to follow better on a crowded floor. The observation doesn't surprise me since I certainly feel more cozy, connected, immersed , in a crowded milonga - getting to this point, however, surprises me a lot. The reason for improvement in my following may be as simple as less room to dance means a smaller, more limited vocabulary of steps. I can relax a little more because the chances of someone leading high boleos and such decreases dramatically. I can settle in. Tight spaces mean more walking, more turning, a closer embrace - all the things I love most in tango. Seems straightforward enough, doesn't it? Except this is totally new territory for me. Eight months ago I jumped at my own shadow. People approaching me from the side made me fli...

I'm dragging today. Another Tuesday night milonga means a late night before and early morning work day. I go through this every week. And I don't plan to change a thing. It's worth it. It's worth every yawn, worth every "could you repeat what you just said? My brain wandered off." It's worth every, "you look kinda tired today." "I was up dancing tango." (I try to stifle the glee I feel every time I tell someone at work that.) So many great things about last night's milonga. A tanguero finding *his* tango. Dancing the heck out of a milonga - I mean *flying* the milonga. Lovely. New people. Old friends. Tanguera bonding. Putting down roots in this amazing community of warm, kind, big-hearted tango dancers. What could be more welcome than a solid, weekly milonga venue with good friends, good food and live music from Glover? I can't think of thing. No se pierdan ni un compás de este tango que va cautivando rebelde y dulzón. Entre vu...

( Disclaimer for the record, again - I am not a teacher - only dancer, and still a pretty new one at that. These are simply my opinions and not meant to be taken as the gospel truth about anything. What follows gets a bit ranty and occasionally preachy. Please feel free to rant/preach/bitch generally, back to me in the comments. I'm a glutton for punishment - so fire when ready.) I've emphasized how much milongas are the core of my tango addiction. They are the safe haven of my hectic world - the place I go to see my friends, enjoy the music, and dance until I practically fall down. Milongas are a sanctuary. Milongas feel safe, and comfortable, and welcoming. They feel this way because milongas are not practicas . They aren't classes. They aren't workshops. The beautiful feeling of a milonga can be shattered by dancers consistently experimenting with new moves they haven't learned well on unsuspecting, and unwilling partners. (Let me stress that I learn a ton at m...

So the question remained. If the situation with the previous leader could be turned around so radically - how could I affect change in my dances with other leaders that I had found troubling in one way or another? Would there really be a change? Is it my place to even try? After all, I'm not a teacher - and if I try to take on that role, I become rather a hypocrite. I looked at what had happened previously and decided, as quickly as I could, what I needed to do. (It had to be quick because neither of these leaders used the cabaceo and approached me without much warning.) Mr. Ballroomdancer-armpullerbackwrencher: My last dance with this gentleman left me running for the bus home. Instead of letting him know that his method of leading was, at first uncomfortable, then finally downright painful, I stayed silent. First, because I thought I was just following badly. Second, because I was embarrassed to be in pain. For many, probably most, people that second thing will make no sense. Wh...