My Tango Diaries

One of my favorite things about designing custom shoes for Mr. Tango Shoes customers, was being able to tailor the patterns to clothes dancers enjoyed wearing to milongas. What an easy way to set your look apart! I stopped designing shoes because it was so time and labor intensive, but I really missed doing design work. So now I've turned it around and I'm on RedBubble, designing clothes and accessories that match dancers' shoes instead. I wish I'd found this site ages ago! The tough part right now is not designing an entire wardrobe of accessories for myself! So save me from myself and give me some ideas of what you'd like to see. I'm already perusing the latest, greatest shoe models hitting the stores here and in Buenos Aires - as well as taking a peek at Pantone's upcoming color features. In my store, Infinite Tango on RedBubble , also look for my artwork making its way onto tote bags, t-shirts and even scarves! While I haven't been able to ...

(Picture courtesy of morguefile.com .) This post was inspired by a comment from another blogger who wrote: "One thing you should also bear in mind is that you can't please everyone with your tango. Some leaders like a follower who decorates a lot and others don't. It's not always possible to tell which is which. As followers, we have to strike a very delicate balance between being dance chameleons who try to adapt to every leader and finding our own personality, our own character as dancers. It's a fine line. I'd love it if you'd write a whole post about it." from Terpsichoral Tango at http://www.tangoaddiction.wordpress.com Coincidentally, I was already working on a post addressing this, so I'll give it my best shot Terpsichoral. Above is a 7-ish minute long video with only a few sentences that I want to point out. Whenever I hear (or read about) anyone talking about the follower's musicality - this is what I think of. The bit that I'...

Sometimes my mind goes down such useless roads. When things are going badly, it seems so easy to get lost in thorny tangles of what if I had? What if they had? What if I never? Maybe I would have finished college. Maybe I wouldn't live my life in pieces at a time. Maybe I would look further ahead than the end of the month. Maybe I wouldn't feel so raw so often. Maybe. But if the bad things hadn't happened . . . If better things had. If my route had changed . . . and my life changed . . . I wouldn't have met my husband . . . or his family that became my family . . . I wouldn't know the people I know who care so much for me and for whom I care so deeply. and tango . . . my life, all the ugliness and beauty, pain and elation, brought me to tango. So I've got to shake this off - this useless interrogation of the past. La vida es una milonga y hay que saberla bailar, Life is a milonga, you gotta dance to how it goes . . . So let's just dance Let your body tell m...

They held me like they meant it . I received a cabeceo from far across a dance floor that nearly knocked my socks off. I waited , I surrendered , and I found my tango. I stopped trying to dance, and started looking for the sweet spot . I'll be honest, I don't know how to do it in open embrace. I don't know how to find it. In close embrace, it's all I need. It's everything I need. The sweet spot is, for me, that place on a man's chest that, when you connect, you get the most information. Not just about his lead but about his music - what he's hearing in the music, how it's affecting his breathing, his heart beat, the intention radiating through his torso. Once I've found it, even the tiniest changes are completely clear. Now, instead of evaluating and analyzing, all I do is listen to my partner's breathing, and feel for the "sweet spot". When those elements come together, I have no idea what he's leading or what I'm following ...

(Photo courtesy of morguefile.com ) I am still here. And I am still dancing. I am sorry for the long silence. It wasn't for lack of something to write, rather too many things all vying for attention and freedom. It was writer's block in the form of 'writer's bottleneck'. Too many things going on - in my job, in the world, in my head. Just too much. I had to take a couple of steps back and think about some things. One clear idea that has come from my step (or two, or three) back, is that tango returned me to my Buddhist practice. I don't say that lightly. No one could be more surprised by that than I am. I struggled for several years, off and on, with a frustrating and half-hearted practice. Never truly embracing the path . . . The problem with taking steps back from writing to look at things is that, while it gains perspective in some ways, it begins to cut one off from other perspectives. Other voices. For me, that silences the writing. I can't write ...

. . . courtesy of Books.Google.com Some texts are complete, others aren't - but there's a wealth of good reading to be had! "The Wicked Waltz and Other Scandalous Dances" by Mark Knowles (2009) Contemporary Readings in Social Problems By Anna Leon-Guerrero, Kristine M. Zentgraf (2008) Tango and the political economy of passion By Marta Savigliano (1996) Tango: The Art History of Love By Robert Farris Thompson (2006) The tango in the United States: a history By Carlos G. Groppa (2004) The living age, Volume 279 By Robert S. Littell (1913) The Rotarian Mar 2000 From tejano to tango: Latin American popular music By Walter Aaron Clark (2002) The Temptation to Tango: Journeys of Intimacy and Desire By Larry M. Sawyer, Irene D. Thomas (2005) Tango Lover's Guide to Buenos Aires: Insights and Recommendations By Romero Migdalia Romero (2010) National rhythms, African roots: the deep history of Latin American popular ... By John Charles Chasteen (2004) Yoga Journ...

If I cared less about tango, statements like these (in bold italic below.) wouldn't break my heart. "Why dance tango if all you can do is walk?" "the milonga is too crowded to do 'anything good' " My heart sinks when I hear those sentences. I hear variations of them all the time. I regret showing how much that first statement bothered me at the time. I was so shocked that someone who had read my blog (and had danced with me), could first of all believe that, and second, actually say that to me. I took it personally and it wasn't intended to be personal at all. It was just that suddenly this leader that I was standing only inches from, seemed miles away. I tried to explain. Tango is a walking dance - not long sequences of steps, but simply walking and moving to the music. I put one hand on his chest, over his heart, and my other over my own heart. I said, tango is only this - between your heart and mine, in the music. That's all. He came to tango ...

(Photo 1: Warming up the floor before the milonga.) There is a lot to love about dancing at Texas French Bread (a campus-area restaurant and bakery). Walking in and smelling herbs roasting for the dinner entrees, warm bread, plus cakes and other desserts from the counter - irresistible! Outside, the street is gray and dark, lit only with the cold fluorescent lights from other buildings and street lights. The lights from TFB's windows shine gold and warm - so inviting. If I arrive a little late, Glover Gill is already playing and I can hear the piano just as I get to the door. When I close my eyes, I can hear layers of music, glasses clinking, shoes whispering over the floor. This milonga is the highlight of my week. This last Tuesday I only had enough time for a few tandas, then I had to return to campus, and then take the bus home. First tanda of the night, I danced with El Oso ("El Abrazo de Oso"), I was still so cold from being outside. We danced off the chill by the...

I've always asked people why they started tango - what they wanted from it. It's an important question and it's related to the question I ponder a lot these days, "What kind of dancer do I want to be?" Which really translates, for me, to what kind of follower do I want to be? I spend a lot of time watching other dancers, teachers - both local and visiting, in person and online. I try different things, different techniques, different ways of expressing the music. I try a few things on and see how they fit. When something doesn't fit or feels off, I try to figure out why. Keep what works. Let go of the things that don't work. Here are the things that make up the kind of dancer I want to be - in no particular order. I want to be soft. Many of these descriptors are going to be troublesome to explain. All can do is kind of dance around the idea and hope I get it clear by the end of my explaining. "Soft" is one of the tough ones. Some dances feel ...

Dear tanguero, I feel I should explain my reaction to your comments about Tim Ferriss. It touched a nerve and I didn't really explain my apparent hostility. It was certainly not meant for you. Several people have brought Tim Ferriss to my attention over this past year. I can usually make it a month before his name pops up again. For readers who are unfamiliar with him, he's the author of "The 4 Hour Work Week". He set a Guinness record for the most consecutive tango turns and has competed with his partner, Alicia Monti, at the Tango World Championship . As a social dancer the idea of a tango competition seems absurd. I don't think I will ever understand how something like tango could be judged - or why anyone would want it to be. But I digress. I think the most crucial detail of Ferriss's history, as I relate it to tango, is his winning Wired magazine's "Greatest Self-Promoter of All Time" . If there is any concept more out of synch with social ...

Long, winding, ranting, and babbling . . . How did I forget how hard it was to get here? To do this? How did I forget how elated I was just to be asked to dance? And then to be able to finish a single tanda without pain? When did the picture of how I wanted to dance become more important than the dance, and the leader, in front of me? It seems lately the stronger the emotional need I feel in the moment for tango, the more brittle and unyielding I become in my experience of it. Granted, it was a hard week. A terrible week. Bad news turning to worse news turning to unthinkable news. Plus, I had run out of the medication I use to control pain - and a clerical error (combined with my own poor follow-up) kept me from getting a refill for another 3 days. It was so easy to forget how bad that feels - it had been months since I'd been in that much pain. It's so hard to do the simplest things in that state. Sentences get disjointed. My memory fails me. Trying to explain to my nurse how...

I write less these days. I'm still thinking, dreaming, and being overwhelmed by tango. The words just don't make it to the page fast enough. Everything seems to be going by me so fast. An entire year has gone by so fast. And now a life gone so fast. Yesterday I got the news that a friend and coworker had passed away. I'd known him for 6 years. Breakfast tacos at 10am, the #5 bus in the afternoons, watching him glide down the street on his bike in terrible weather - routines that formed the fabric of a daily work life. Undone. He's gone and all of those tapestries he was woven into are unraveling. Made worse by so many other routines unraveling at my work. Like every other organization, we're worried about our jobs. Our processes are changing for efficiency's sake. We must all daily justify our worth (and expense) to our organization. No wonder we all feel like unraveling. When people are fearful, it's hard to join together. Empathy seems so risky. We scan th...

At practica Sunday . . . I finally fully extended into my steps, relaxed my hips and kept my rib cage tall - all at the same time. Okay it lasted about a minute - but I got it. I got what it feels like. The difference is . . . well, I wish I could describe it. I just know that I get the "why" of it now. None of the explanations of how it felt or why it was important fully conveyed to me the difference it would make. The description of "how" from Mardi and Stephen (of Georgetown Tango ) got me the closest to understanding it. Like standing at the kitchen sink, reaching up to change a light bulb above the basin. It feels like that. Except different with a person in front of you. Without my glasses, I could only make out my profile in the mirror, but that was enough. Ooooh, that's what it looks like . . . What felt to me like a deep lean, looked far more natural and fluid in the mirror. It didn't look a thing like me. Well, the me in my head, anyway. I w...

The first milonga of 2010. A new decade. So many wonderful tandas. A more relaxed milonga than NYE. Dancing with J. and F. in particular, always makes me feel so grateful to have stayed in tango. My first challenging/constantly apologizing/anxious dances with them all those months ago - I thought surely neither of them would ever ask me to dance again. On making resolutions . . . I'm not making resolutions this year. That is, I'm not making specifically New Year's resolutions. I am always working on things - always setting goals for myself. There are things I would like get through/get over/get done - as always, but they are ongoing. Sometimes I'm disappointed that I can be in such completely new territory and still have so many old, bad habits. That's the rub I guess - we always take ourselves with us, no matter how far we go. For example, I would like to be consistent about not apologizing for the things I don't know, or don't do well. It's better - an...

Thanks to Mardi Brown of Georgetown Tango , this morning was the first morning after a milonga I didn't feel like a 100 year old woman trying to hobble around the house. Her recommendation of Tacco metatarsal pads (added to cushioned foam insoles) was right on the money. I can't believe how much better my feet felt. I was really starting to wonder if capsulitis was going to win and I was going to have to either quit or severely limit my dancing. Anyone with pain in the ball of their feet should consider the Tacco line. You can get a few of their inserts, like the "drop-shaped" metatarsal pads at Austin Shoe Hospital , if you're in the area. You can also find them at FeetRelief.com . Also, please consult with your doctor if the pain in your feet is persistent, acute or if you get little to no relief from otc pain relievers. You can get more information about foot pain conditions at Foot-Pain-Explained.com as well, but this does not take the place of medical advice...

La Vita Nuova "Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness." ~Maya Angelou, Gather Together in My Name I took one last look around at the dancing/partying/hugging frenzy on the pista before leaving the New Year's Eve milonga last night. Is this my life? I could never have guessed a year ago that I would find myself here - surrounded by new friends, a new family , really. So many perfect coincidences . . . - I arrived that night with P., the first tanguero who ever asked me to dance, and his wife, who finds herself coping, like my husband, married to a tango fanatic. The four of us had lunch earlier and I couldn't help thinking how lucky DH and I are to have their friendship. - I danced with a visiting tanguero, for the second time, that I had met online through my blog writing. How amazing to embrace someone from so far away whose only connection is this lush tango life. - and such a relief to see and at least be ...

Once again I'm inspired inspired by Stephanie over at J'ai mal aux pieds , and her article about The Myth of Women Competition ( http://jaimalauxpieds. blogspot.com/2009/12/myth-of- women-competition-or-my.html ) . I've heard similar rumors from other communities about women competing for dances, for prime tables and seating etc. etc. - an overall atmosphere that women must compete with one another for dances. "Milongas are for dancing, not socializing." "There's never enough men!" "Men always want to dance with... dancers younger than me/older than me/beginners/advanced dancers . . ." I can't tell you how grateful I am to have never encountered this attitude. I've never known so many beautifully talented, brilliant, gorgeous women as I have in tango. Women who have encouraged me to come out when I was feeling to blue, too tired, too sore - whatever. As much as I talk (well, write) about experiences dancing making my milonga - s...

"It Made My Tanda/Milonga" You may have seen the very funny website, "It Made My Day" ( http://itmademyday.com/ ) - or "IMMD". People post something they overheard or saw that made them laugh (or sometimes just feel good). I have frequently caught myself thinking that one particular thing made the tanda wonderful, or even my whole evening at a milonga. Sometimes something funny happened and took the pressure off. So how about you? Can you think of something that made your tanda? Or your whole milonga? Here are a couple of mine . . . I was dancing with one of my favorite partners when the beautiful song "Malena" came on. My partner hummed softly to the beginning, and then very quietly sang along - in Spanish. And then in English. IMMM Just as I was about to leave a particularly rough milonga, a very sweet tanguero asked me to dance. I told him I was so tired and not dancing well, and he said "that's okay, we'll just walk." And we...

"So, pick and choose. Improvise. Hide away. Run after them. Stay still. Move at an astonishing speed. Shut up. Scream a rumor. Turn around. Go back without returning. Upside down. Let your feet do the thinking. Be comfortable in your restlessness. Tango." Tango and the Political Economy of Passion by Marta E. Savigliano Something is up, but I don't know what. I'm restless. I'm writing, but nothing is good enough lately. Nothing comes out the way I want it to. With my friends, I'm either reaching out or pulling away, but never still. I'm dancing more because I'm having such a hard time writing. I want to dance until the buzzing in my head goes quiet. All my thoughts feel like white noise with no content - like the scrolling headlines on the news channels. It's all important, so none of it is. There's just too much. No more excuses . . . At least there's one more tiny victory. I no longer start every tanda with a new leader with t...

The first time I watched the video of myself dancing, I thought my feet looked so terrible. Instead of being turned out a bit, walking on the inside edge, my feet were turned inward. I looked pigeon-toed and awkward. I was following what was led, not making mistakes, and I felt well connected to my partner. But I just couldn't take my eyes off my feet. So, I told myself I'd continue working on it, but ultimately what mattered most was my connection to my partner and my ability to follow what's led. After all, my leader can't see my feet. Right? Still, I watched other dancers. I asked teachers and followers about balance and foot placement. I put into practice what Silvina Valz taught about ochos (and the various steps that can be led from that position) which was to keep the knee of the non-weighted leg slightly behind (instead of in front of) the weighted leg's knee. That makes the appearance of the swivel or pivot sharper and allows for faster and easier change of...