My Tango Diaries

From a previous post's comments (thank you Happyseaurchin for the post topic): "In the post, you mention the distinction between sensual and sexual. I have that distinction too, and I was wondering if you could elaborate on some future post. Many people I speak to don't seem to be aware of this, and I was wondering how that was "wired" into your being...? I presume your partner is not threatened by your tango exploits, precisely because of this distinction? Whether I have been in a relationship or single, the experience of this distinction is ever present. Your observation of your own experience in this matter would be most appreciated." This will be my fourth draft on this topic. It's such a difficult thing to write about and feel like I'm conveying what I mean to convey. I've tried twice before, here and here . And I still don't think I've done the topic justice. I have told people this frequently, but until they experience it for the...

They held me like they meant it . I received a cabeceo from far across a dance floor that nearly knocked my socks off. I waited , I surrendered , and I found my tango. I stopped trying to dance, and started looking for the sweet spot . I'll be honest, I don't know how to do it in open embrace. I don't know how to find it. In close embrace, it's all I need. It's everything I need. The sweet spot is, for me, that place on a man's chest that, when you connect, you get the most information. Not just about his lead but about his music - what he's hearing in the music, how it's affecting his breathing, his heart beat, the intention radiating through his torso. Once I've found it, even the tiniest changes are completely clear. Now, instead of evaluating and analyzing, all I do is listen to my partner's breathing, and feel for the "sweet spot". When those elements come together, I have no idea what he's leading or what I'm following ...

(Photo courtesy of morguefile.com ) I am still here. And I am still dancing. I am sorry for the long silence. It wasn't for lack of something to write, rather too many things all vying for attention and freedom. It was writer's block in the form of 'writer's bottleneck'. Too many things going on - in my job, in the world, in my head. Just too much. I had to take a couple of steps back and think about some things. One clear idea that has come from my step (or two, or three) back, is that tango returned me to my Buddhist practice. I don't say that lightly. No one could be more surprised by that than I am. I struggled for several years, off and on, with a frustrating and half-hearted practice. Never truly embracing the path . . . The problem with taking steps back from writing to look at things is that, while it gains perspective in some ways, it begins to cut one off from other perspectives. Other voices. For me, that silences the writing. I can't write ...

"It seemed to me that the view behind every single talk was that we could step into uncharted territory and relax with the groundlessness of our situation. The other underlying theme was dissolving the dualistic tension between us and them , this and that , good and bad , by inviting in what we usually avoid. My teacher, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, described this as "leaning into the sharp points." When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt Lesson with Oliver Kolker and Silvina Valz A Little Context Some readers may remember that I attended classes with Oliver Kolker and Silvina Valz last year at this time and had rather a mixed experience. A lot of what I learned I use literally every single time I dance. Their emphasis on strong technique and respect for basic structure, make them highly sought after teachers, and no one I've talked to has ever been dis...

The video below is part of the reason I can't get very excited about soltadas. Moves/patterns/steps should be appropriate to the music - not just the rhythm of the music, but the intention of the music. Unfortunately, deciphering the intention of vocal tangos requires an idea of what the lyrics are saying. (And there's a whole other case made against including vocal tangos at all by Danny Israel here .) I don't know Castellano, but I'm learning. Any time I hear a tango that moves me, or in many cases, moves the leader I'm dancing with, I look up the lyrics. If I can't find a translation, I work out a rough translation for myself. After all, would John Lennon's "Imagine" move people as deeply if they didn't understand the sentiment of the lyrics? It's a beautiful song regardless, but the lyrics tell the story. The lyrics tell a story in this song as well . . . One of the most tragic (and that's saying something) tangos played in milonga...

Part I - The embrace is everything During Spring Tango Festival this past March, I had the opportunity to dance to one of my very favorite milongas with a visiting tanguero. I should say that there are few things I love more than milongas in close embrace. The sensation of having to be completely in synch, throwing ourselves into the music and at the end, hearts pounding against each other's chests - it's like the best ride at the carnival! I was loving the milonga tanda with this stranger and so happy that I had been brave and come to the milonga, even though I had been so very intimidated beforehand. The second song of the tanda came on, and it was another favorite song! But about half way through the song my partner started to pull away slightly. Many followers I know call this feeling "the set up" - the feeling that a move that requires some space and/or some planning is coming up. I was ready, I thought, completely in synch in his embrace. And then abruptly, I w...

If I cared less about tango, statements like these (in bold italic below.) wouldn't break my heart. "Why dance tango if all you can do is walk?" "the milonga is too crowded to do 'anything good' " My heart sinks when I hear those sentences. I hear variations of them all the time. I regret showing how much that first statement bothered me at the time. I was so shocked that someone who had read my blog (and had danced with me), could first of all believe that, and second, actually say that to me. I took it personally and it wasn't intended to be personal at all. It was just that suddenly this leader that I was standing only inches from, seemed miles away. I tried to explain. Tango is a walking dance - not long sequences of steps, but simply walking and moving to the music. I put one hand on his chest, over his heart, and my other over my own heart. I said, tango is only this - between your heart and mine, in the music. That's all. He came to tango ...

(Pictured above, Carlos Gavito and Maria Plazaola (I think) - courtesy of PhotoTango.net - click on picture to visit the site.) I had my second apilado class with Daniela Arcuri Friday night. I thought this time it would go so much more smoothly since I've been practicing somewhat regularly... well, okay, once a week at most. But still. Thirty seconds dancing with my teacher and she had a checklist of about 6 things that needed adjusting. Shoulder down, chest more forward, knees bent more,... more than that... heels together, now you have more room for molinetes - sweep out longer... and relax, and breathe. When the pieces fall into place, the result is amazing. Intense connection and the ability (for me, anyway) to follow the tiniest lead almost instantly. When one piece goes wrong, the whole thing falls apart - particularly in turns. Without a very solid connection torso-to-torso, it's very easy for my partner and I to pull apart (actually, it's usually me pulling away by...

“The great living experience for every man is his adventure into the woman. The man embraces in the woman all that is not himself, and from that one resultant, from that embrace, comes every new action.” -- D. H. Lawrence (Photo credit: New York Times article "Argentine Nights" by Denny Lee back on March 16, 2008.) Over at J'ai mal aux pied , Stephanie has written a thought-provoking entry asking readers what it is that they most want to feel in an embrace. Johanna, at Tangrila, author of The Tao of Tango, sums up what does it for her with her post, "I'm so easy to please." What feels best to you? How do you want to be embraced? Is it different with different partners? Different music? The picture above, from Tejastango.com shows the most obvious characteristics of my favorite embrace. I like to feel the man's right arm all the way around my back - and I like it pretty firm compared to some followers I've talked to. One woman who shares my love of ...

In an effort to keep my "energy directed upward" and "be tall" in my torso while dancing, I've been watching dozens of YouTube videos and studying posture and technique. (Of course I'm not just using this as an excuse to watch tango on YouTube all day - how dare you suggest such thing! This is research!) Anyway, I noticed several tangueras reach their arm over (and behind) their leader's head before they settle into the embrace. Sometimes it's clear they're doing it because the leader's much taller than she is. Other times though, it looks as though this movement puts her torso int he optimum positon. I always thought that the arm lifting thing was a dramatic affectation - since I saw it in so many performances. Now, I'm wondering it might be a valuable technique to try. Does anyone have any experience with this? Not surprisingly, I found a video of Maria Plazaola reaching up very dramatically over Carlos Gavito's head. What do you ...

"Before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos. Before a brilliant person begins something great, they must look foolish in the crowd." -- I Ching I have been told now six times, by six different tangueros, that I seem to follow better on a crowded floor. The observation doesn't surprise me since I certainly feel more cozy, connected, immersed , in a crowded milonga - getting to this point, however, surprises me a lot. The reason for improvement in my following may be as simple as less room to dance means a smaller, more limited vocabulary of steps. I can relax a little more because the chances of someone leading high boleos and such decreases dramatically. I can settle in. Tight spaces mean more walking, more turning, a closer embrace - all the things I love most in tango. Seems straightforward enough, doesn't it? Except this is totally new territory for me. Eight months ago I jumped at my own shadow. People approaching me from the side made me fli...

Comments and emails about my last post, Breaking the Embrace, got me thinking about the 'embrace negotiation' that happens as a couple begins to dance. I have had different teachers tell me different things - "the woman must always adapt to the man's style and embrace" "The man should accept the embrace the woman offers." Most of the leaders locally wait for me to choose the distance - I don't know if that's what they were taught or if it's just practical. I have had a few leaders scoop me up into close embrace almost before the music starts, which is a bit startling - but since I tend to prefer that embrace, I tend to settle in eventually. When a leader actively chooses open embrace and maintains that space, I try to maintain it from my side as well - though it's hard for me. As I dance more and more in close embrace, I get out of the habit. One leader, visiting from out of town, said Argentine teachers especially emphasize that the wo...

Intellectually, I can get my mind around the usefulness of a fluid or dynamic embrace. It allows for more options in certain places - the opportunity to lead something a little bigger, or a little more complex. It can serve as a dramatic pause. I do sort of get it. Or at least I try to. It isn't my preference. . There are a few dancers who open the embrace as part of their dance, for the effect of it. I'm not talking about opening the embrace because the step that the music demands is too hard to do in close embrace - sometimes that's just how it goes. I'm specifically talking about opening the embrace as the end in itself. Mostly for a dramatic pause. When I know that the leader I'm dancing with is prone to opening the embrace, I never really settle in. I'm always waiting for the warmth and comfort to be altered, or be taken away altogether. I danced with a partner the other day who is doing this more and more. In a certain place in the music, he stops briefl...

"Love and dignity cannot share the same abode." -- Ovid Lately a different version of this rings in my mind. "Tango and dignity cannot share the same abode." I am only speculating, but I think the "dignity" meant above, is more like "pride". To be open to the connection, we must be open to the truth. And the truth may be that we're clumsy tonight, or we were insensitive to our partner, that we were wrong, that we were judgmental, that we hurt someone. In my last post, I emphasized the importance of letting our partner know what we need. To be honest, but never mean or ugly. To make it about the action, and not about the person. I can't keep up if we dance so quickly to this orchestra. (Rather than, 'you're motorboating me through the line of dance.' ) I'm not comfortable holding a conversation when dancing. (Rather than, 'I can't hear the music over your constant chatter.' ) May we open the embrace a little ...

I had one of those ... hm... I was going to say "aha!" moments (in my tango lesson), but it was actually even more than that. It was foundational. It changed everything. My instructor asked me why I kept my hand on her shoulder blade when she led me. I told her that I was told that was the best place to "read" the lead. She answered, matter-of-factly (as she always does), 'what if I lead from lower in my body - or higher, from my upper back? You need to adjust the embrace not just for the shape of your leader, but from where in his body he's leading.' I adjusted for height, for comfort, for larger steps led - but I never consciously tried to feel where my partner was leading from in his torso. That would mean getting connected more quickly - really opening to his lead more quickly. Johanna over at Tangrila wrote about a similar predicament here: http://tangrila.blogspot.com/2009/10/wait-and-see.html . I always dance in the "wait and see" mode. ...

Apparently the subject of head position came up in a recent class. How do I know - since I wasn't in the class? The same way I find out everything else that happens in the most recent classes and/or workshops - someone instucts me on the milonga floor. Surprisingly, the position of my head had never bothered this particular partner before (we've been dancing together for over 5 months) but because it was addressed in class, it was now an issue. Fine. Something else for me to be terribly self-conscious about. Have been looking bad all this time? I normally dance with my head facing over my partner's shoulder, usually slight downward (depending on the height of my leader). Like this (that's actually me in the picture): Apparently, it's more graceful and appealing to dance like this (from Tangoandcoffee.org): I can definitely see the difference - it looks like a more confortable alignment for this couple. I'm trying it out more and more - but it simply doesn't ...

From Eugene Grigoryev's "What is Tango" "The social aspect of milonga is fascinating. It holds anticipation, surprise, heavenly music, moments of contact and separation. The challenge and satisfaction of rhythmically moving in unison with another person is what lures us to Tango. The experience is both physical and surreal. In three minutes of a song, you can experience a rollercoaster of emotions, but you will not experience them alone. For those three minutes there will be a person embracing you, sharing what they are feeling with you… all without a single word being spoken… pure, raw emotions expressed through motion.”

This post is the result of realizing that I had added something important, that I had accidentally left out of the original post (My First Tango Workshop), in my responses to readers' emails, but never put in the post itself. So I want to take this opportunity to clarify a point, and update longer term effect on my dancing. After the workshop with Oliver and Silvina (and after the "caca embrace incident"), as I was packing up and talking to another dancer, I mentioned feeling a bit over my head as I'd only been dancing for 4 months. At that comment, Oliver turned around and asked, "4 months?" I nodded. He remarked in a kinder tone, that for 4 months I was doing very well. Silvina had turned at that point and nodded agreement. So there was some ... I'm not sure what the word is that I'm looking for... resolution? I felt better, anyway - not quite so inept. I wrote that several times in answering emails from people - but apparantly only imagined tha...

Recently, I found someone else who does Push Hands and dances tango and was reassured that the similarities I felt were not just in my imagination. Since then I've been trying to focus on what it is specifically that brings such a strong recollection of PH hands to tango for me. During push hands and tango when you're in that moment (I only catch glimpses of it right now. Hopefully soon it will be more than a second or two) there's a sensation of almost floating, flying, yet still supported, held. Connected and yet dispersed. The moved and the movement. Like light, a wave and a particle at the same time.

Simply, serenely, perfectly, beautiful animated film about two famous tango dancers reliving their glory days in each other's arms. See the homepage here: http://www.entusbrazos.fr/