My Tango Diaries

    One thing that increases my anxiety about returning to tango (online and in person) is the fraught debates over what constitutes unwanted, or "bad ",  behavior in milongas/practicas/classes. I won't wade into the specifics because I think those arguments risk missing the larger points. No matter how we decide to frame our community rules, or guidelines, for safe dance spaces - there are things we all need to remember, and work on. TL;DR: Humans are messy. Human interactions are messy.  We make mistakes. We're not as good as we think we are at reading other people, or at communicating our intentions. And alcohol makes us even worse. I took a "Dealing with Difficult People" training course when I worked at the University of Texas a few years ago. The first thing our instructor told us:   Someone out there thinks you're the *sshole.   Of course all of us had entered the classroom thinking we were learning how to deal with that other person, yo...

It looks like I will finally be able to rejoin the tango community and start going to milongas again. Hubby has informed me that I'm getting grumpy with all this isolation and it's time to be social again.  Masking will still be mandatory for me since I'm a caregiver, though masks seem to have fallen out of favor in my local milongas. We do have vaccinated-only events and I'll probably stick to those.  Hopefully my nerves won't get the better of me. I haven't danced in so long. I stopped dancing due to illness more than a year before COVID hit. I'm out of practice and not as steady as I once was. I've started up solo practice again and I'll probably start out by going to practicas rather than milongas. Just to get my tango-legs, as it were. I'm hopeful. It's been a long few years. I lost my mother, her mother and then her father. I've lost three tango friends, including my best friend in tango. I think losing my friend Renee delayed me ev...

Here's a little example of his dancing: Just a (long overdue) quickie summary - What I loved: I loved his focus on the embrace - on locking into your partner (Important caveat: He did not mean *squeezing* your partner!) by keeping your intention forward. One of his classes was labeled "Complex Sequences in Close, and very close, embrace." How could I resist a class with a title like that? And of course the additional two milonga classes made my weekend! One of my dance partners convinced me to sign up for a shared private with him (to work on milonga some more - that was a pretty easy sell) and I'm so glad I did. Javier's focuses (in the classes I took, and in the private): - Embrace, embrace, embrace. - Ways to reduce "play" and bounce between partners (unintentional movement/being out of synch) with a firm (again, not squeezing) embrace and forward-intention connection. - Staying up and forward - not rocking back and away fr...

Milonga lesson with Daniela Arcuri and "Latigo" Daniel Ponce 2/13/11) When I watch this video from my typical analytical perspective, I cringe. I regret having Dennis record it. Every time I know I'm being recorded, I get nervous and forget everything I knew 3 minutes before the camera started rolling. This time was no different. I was exhausted, having stayed far too late all week and most especially the night before, and it shows. My balance suffered. My posture was crap. I wasn't able to keep my center/core firm. I was so tired that my knees felt like I was walking through water. I'm off the music in several places. (And of course there's that usual self-critical voice saying, " Christ-on-crutches is that really my butt ???") Now for the part you can't see - the reason this video is up here at all. The reason I don't truly regret Dennis recording it. What you can't see are the tears streaming down my face from the pure bliss of dancing...

(Tango at a nightclub in Buenos Aires, 1924. Source: www.esnips.com ) A Scenario for Leaders: Your favorite orquestra begins to play and the follower you enjoy most for that music is looking for your cabeceo at just the right moment. You meet at the edge of the dance floor, look for the nod from the leader behind you, and as the first few bars play, you find the most blissful embrace in each other's arms. Just as you take your first step, another leader suddenly enters the line of dance, butt first, backing into your surprised partner. Oblivious to the run in, he takes off down the line of dance. The spell is broken and now you and your partner have to wonder if this tanda is going to be spent in "defensive driving" mode. This scenario, or a similar one, happens at almost every milonga I attend. This is after we had a very well attended workshop discussing, in detail, how to enter the line of dance. I've written about this before, and I've discussed it on forum...

We've danced before - though not often. He visits rarely, and I'm always a little nervous when we dance. He is one of a very few dancers I know with who grew up with tango music. He was not always a dancer - but the music is his heritage and I can feel it. On those rare occasions when he visits Austin, and asks me to dance, I silently pray to the tango gods that every song in the tanda will be one that I know well. Though I know it is the leader's job to shape the interpretation of the music, when I don't know the piece, it feels like he can tell. (Now, this little panic is entirely my own making, as he's never said or done anything to make me think he was being the least bit critical of me - exactly the opposite, in fact.) Despite my case of nerves, I was very pleased to see his cabeceo. As I accepted with a nod and stood by my table, I noticed the dance floor was so empty. I suddenly felt very visible. I was even more nervous than before. My partner for the...

Making the Tango Honeymoon Last - for you, and for other dancers too. Part I: Vignette "At the Crossroads . . ." Maestra: Grande! Grande! (exasperated sigh) You dance too small, too quiet. You hold too much back. Me (looking at my feet and feeling disproportionately defensive by her remark): Well, I get plenty of dances at the milonga. (I admit, not one of my better moments.) Maestra: (sigh) That is because you are simpatico . Despite the sound of it, Maestra was not criticizing me, or giving me a backhanded compliment with that description, however nor was she complimenting me. Her appraisal was almost completely neutral. I thought about that remark for weeks. What did she mean? Was I only getting dances because I was nice? Did she mean my dancing wasn't very good? Was I coasting? Did leaders just feel sort of bad for me and that's why they asked me to dance? Finally I came to a realization about myself and about what tango means to me. If I get danced as much as ...

There is a very popular belief that, when given the opportunity, tangueros will most often choose the younger, prettier (and often newer) tango dancers over the older, more experienced, or less attractive tangueras at the milonga. After all, the assumption goes, men are more visual, more interested in looks over quality etc. etc. Women, the assumption continues, are more interested in quality over appearance. Is that true? In my (granted limited) experience, sometimes yes, mostly no. That's the problem with generalizations - in the end, they just aren't helpful. They don't provide any real anwers. Assumptions and stereotypes accomplish little more than encouraging negative feelings - about others and about ourselves. "Leaders only want to dance with hot, new 20-something tangueras." "Followers only want to dance with advanced leaders who can help them 'level-up' in their dance." These comments and stereotypes are MOST hurtful to the people who ...

I had a weekend of beautiful dances. Friday night, though, I almost sabotaged the entire experience. Overworked, over-stressed, and under-rested, I arrived at Uptown in a state of apology which I always think I'm done with - except apparently when I'm very, very tired. I thought maybe I shouldn't have even come to the milonga. I was caught between being afraid I was going to dance very badly, and needing to dance so very much. I hadn't even changed into my tango shoes yet, but I felt I needed to warn everyone I danced with that I was tired from a long week and afraid I wasn't going to dance well. Like putting on a verbal sign that read: "Keep your expectations low". After almost an hour and a half of that nonsense, I finally realized what I was doing and stopped. The only person complaining about my dancing was me. It turned out to be a gorgeous milonga (and just the beginning a wonderful weekend of dancing). I'm so glad I didn't miss it by listen...

Long, winding, ranting, and babbling . . . How did I forget how hard it was to get here? To do this? How did I forget how elated I was just to be asked to dance? And then to be able to finish a single tanda without pain? When did the picture of how I wanted to dance become more important than the dance, and the leader, in front of me? It seems lately the stronger the emotional need I feel in the moment for tango, the more brittle and unyielding I become in my experience of it. Granted, it was a hard week. A terrible week. Bad news turning to worse news turning to unthinkable news. Plus, I had run out of the medication I use to control pain - and a clerical error (combined with my own poor follow-up) kept me from getting a refill for another 3 days. It was so easy to forget how bad that feels - it had been months since I'd been in that much pain. It's so hard to do the simplest things in that state. Sentences get disjointed. My memory fails me. Trying to explain to my nurse how...

A week of anniversaries. Most importantly, my 14th wedding anniversary is this Wednesday. My husband and I have actually been together about 18 years. Wow . . . Our marriage is old enough to vote. After 14 years, my patient and supportive husband, has found himself married to a rabidly obsessed tanguera. He's coping as well as can be expected. ;) This week is also the anniversary of my first steps in tango. My first class at UT, my first milonga, and my first dance. "Your baby at One Year - Milestones this month (from Parenthood.com)" - Your baby now drinks from a cup without assistance. (well, wine glass anyway) - She can stand alone for several minutes. (but she doesn't like it very much) - Baby walks well (that might be a bit generous.Still working on that whole extending the back leg/walking with intention etc etc) - Baby expresses her wants with gestures and words instead of cries. (gesture, schmesture, she uses the cabeceo ) - She engages in gibberish conv...

Silence is Golden Part 1: Just a warning. If you bring up business/work/politics I will try to listen, but I will likely forget everything you've said by the time we stop dancing. So if you need a response to something, an answer, or a commitment of some kind - email me. Any business matters at hand dissolve in my brain as soon as the music starts. You've been warned. Email me. Part 2: Twice this weekend I was informed that the conversation my partner was having with me on the pista was loud enough to be heard by other dancers. And that's annoying. They're right, it is. I hate listening to the couple behind me prattle on and on when I'm trying to listen to the music - so I know how annoying it is. This weekend there were a couple of times when several dancers were talking so loudly that no one could hear the music. I'm sure before I realized that, I had been contributing to that din. My critics were correct that it is disrespectful to the music and to the other ...

Thanks to Mardi Brown of Georgetown Tango , this morning was the first morning after a milonga I didn't feel like a 100 year old woman trying to hobble around the house. Her recommendation of Tacco metatarsal pads (added to cushioned foam insoles) was right on the money. I can't believe how much better my feet felt. I was really starting to wonder if capsulitis was going to win and I was going to have to either quit or severely limit my dancing. Anyone with pain in the ball of their feet should consider the Tacco line. You can get a few of their inserts, like the "drop-shaped" metatarsal pads at Austin Shoe Hospital , if you're in the area. You can also find them at FeetRelief.com . Also, please consult with your doctor if the pain in your feet is persistent, acute or if you get little to no relief from otc pain relievers. You can get more information about foot pain conditions at Foot-Pain-Explained.com as well, but this does not take the place of medical advice...

La Vita Nuova "Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness." ~Maya Angelou, Gather Together in My Name I took one last look around at the dancing/partying/hugging frenzy on the pista before leaving the New Year's Eve milonga last night. Is this my life? I could never have guessed a year ago that I would find myself here - surrounded by new friends, a new family , really. So many perfect coincidences . . . - I arrived that night with P., the first tanguero who ever asked me to dance, and his wife, who finds herself coping, like my husband, married to a tango fanatic. The four of us had lunch earlier and I couldn't help thinking how lucky DH and I are to have their friendship. - I danced with a visiting tanguero, for the second time, that I had met online through my blog writing. How amazing to embrace someone from so far away whose only connection is this lush tango life. - and such a relief to see and at least be ...

"It Made My Tanda/Milonga" You may have seen the very funny website, "It Made My Day" ( http://itmademyday.com/ ) - or "IMMD". People post something they overheard or saw that made them laugh (or sometimes just feel good). I have frequently caught myself thinking that one particular thing made the tanda wonderful, or even my whole evening at a milonga. Sometimes something funny happened and took the pressure off. So how about you? Can you think of something that made your tanda? Or your whole milonga? Here are a couple of mine . . . I was dancing with one of my favorite partners when the beautiful song "Malena" came on. My partner hummed softly to the beginning, and then very quietly sang along - in Spanish. And then in English. IMMM Just as I was about to leave a particularly rough milonga, a very sweet tanguero asked me to dance. I told him I was so tired and not dancing well, and he said "that's okay, we'll just walk." And we...

"So, pick and choose. Improvise. Hide away. Run after them. Stay still. Move at an astonishing speed. Shut up. Scream a rumor. Turn around. Go back without returning. Upside down. Let your feet do the thinking. Be comfortable in your restlessness. Tango." Tango and the Political Economy of Passion by Marta E. Savigliano Something is up, but I don't know what. I'm restless. I'm writing, but nothing is good enough lately. Nothing comes out the way I want it to. With my friends, I'm either reaching out or pulling away, but never still. I'm dancing more because I'm having such a hard time writing. I want to dance until the buzzing in my head goes quiet. All my thoughts feel like white noise with no content - like the scrolling headlines on the news channels. It's all important, so none of it is. There's just too much. No more excuses . . . At least there's one more tiny victory. I no longer start every tanda with a new leader with t...

Some days I feel like my body is conspiring against me. First it was the heat . . . Friday night in the midst of the most wonderful dances, I felt suddenly too warm. Then hot. Then very, very hot. Not the kind of hot from a warm room filled with lots of people dancing - I mean radiating hot. This after making a concerted effort to relax all of the muscles that I could - to release tension. After reading Movement invites Movement's post . I decided to try a little conservation of energy as it were. And it was working. Releasing all of that tension that was keeping my muscle taut was making me feel cooler. Of course it helped that I was dancing primarily with favorite partners to favorite music -relaxed and comfortable. And suddenly I wasn't. At first I thought it's much too early for it to be that and then I checked my watch. Almost midnight. Never mind. It was right on time. (Warning: Like it wasn't bad enough that I wrote about bras and body odor - now I'm going t...

♫ To all the men I've dissed before ♫ The emails keep coming, along with comments, and so far, one phone call. My ranty post, "Insert Rude Gesture" has generated rather a lot more feedback than I anticipated it would. I have also heard from a few of the tangueros who made the comments that inspired the post. The responses have ranged from. "I didn't mean it like that" - to "I never said that" (actually I still have your email right here, boy-o.) It doesn't really matter who said what, when. Those exact comments are all over dance forums and mailing lists. The email that gave me the most pause was the one that said, "you promised no trash-talking on your blog." That's true. And my last post rode that line. I still reserve the right to rant and rave occasionally because it's still my blog and my soapbox. I didn't think I was getting personal but it was taken that way. I am sorry for that. However, I am not sorry for my op...

When I had only been dancing a few months, I attended two milongas at Fiesta de Tango, held at Austin's Omni South Hotel. It was a beautiful affair. The music was wonderful and the events were well attended. I was told it would be a great opportunity to dance with new people and how exciting that would be. When I got there, all I could do was look for familiar faces. Back then, there weren't too many. I danced with a few people, tried to mingle a bit, watched the performances - but mostly I was too nervous to relax and enjoy myself. Everything felt too big - the floor, the crowd. Too overwhelming. It made me miss my regular weekend milongas. I felt homesick for familiar surroundings and familiar people. This time, ten months into my tango life, I expected to have an easier time at Fandango de Tango, held by the same organizer, Ricardo Moncada (Learn to Dance Austin) at the same venue. When I walked in with my friend, I immediately looked for familiar faces. I was nervous alread...

The Sweaty Truth This is a tough topic for everyone. The Tango Jungle has a marvelous, and vividly descriptive post called "Something Stinky This Way Comes" that addresses the pitfalls of poor personal hygiene. Here's just a sample: "It was a heady, complex bouquet of rotting meat, sweaty feet, rotten eggs, musty clothes, kitchen grease, and Roquefort dating back to the French Revolution. Dude. Was. Ripe. " I'm no angel in this department - I've had my share of embarrassing experiences. First of all, I don't "glow". I wouldn't even use the word "perspire" because it sounds too classy for the state I frequently find myself in. I sweat. At one milonga last spring, the AC went out at the venue and all of the dancers, myself included, were just pouring sweat. These things happen. If you want to keep dancing, you learn how to deal. Which means I have learned that nothing, but nothing , takes the place of being scrupulously cl...