"Lean into the sharp points and fully experience them. The essence of
bravery is being without self-deception. Wisdom is inherent in
(understanding) emotions." ~Pema Chodron
After the festival, my non-tango life came back far too soon.
I wasn't ready.
Mondays (especially after so much dancing) are often saturated with tango hangover. The non-tango world seems too bright, too cold, with too many sharp edges. Bad news, crises, politics, business as usual - all took their toll Monday. I danced at lunch to cheer myself up, but it wasn't quite enough.
For once, a non-tango song brought my very tango aching to the surface. As I listened, everything felt so suddenly overwhelming.
"You live your life, as if it's real,
A thousand kisses deep."
I have never been very nostalgic for my past. I am, on occasion however, quite nostalgic for the fantasies I've held. I sometimes miss the lies I told myself and could make myself believe.
Today was the day of reminders and hard lessons. Necessary, but oh so soon after being cocooned in my tango bliss.
so I lean into the sharp points.
I make myself be grateful for truth,
as I should be,
for seeing things clearly.
But sometimes, I wish the fantasy
would last just a little bit longer.
My teacher's words come back to me . . . some day, she said, you just won't be able to go back, to leave the tango life.
A Thousand Kisses Deep
(the song version*)
The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat.
You win a while, and then it’s done –
Your little winning streak.
And summoned now to deal
With your invincible defeat,
You live your life as if it’s real,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.
I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on Boogie Street.
You lose your grip, and then you slip
Into the Masterpiece.
And maybe I had miles to drive,
And promises to keep:
You ditch it all to stay alive,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.
And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.
Confined to sex, we pressed against
The limits of the sea:
I saw there were no oceans left
For scavengers like me.
I made it to the forward deck.
I blessed our remnant fleet –
And then consented to be wrecked,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.
I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on Boogie Street.
I guess they won’t exchange the gifts
That you were meant to keep.
And quiet is the thought of you,
The file on you complete,
Except what we forgot to do,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.
And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep
The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat . . .
*There is also a deeply moving poem (also by Leonard Cohen) which is quite different (but with similar themes) recited by Cohen himself, here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boaBzKqGqUw
After the festival, my non-tango life came back far too soon.
I wasn't ready.
Mondays (especially after so much dancing) are often saturated with tango hangover. The non-tango world seems too bright, too cold, with too many sharp edges. Bad news, crises, politics, business as usual - all took their toll Monday. I danced at lunch to cheer myself up, but it wasn't quite enough.
For once, a non-tango song brought my very tango aching to the surface. As I listened, everything felt so suddenly overwhelming.
"You live your life, as if it's real,
A thousand kisses deep."
I have never been very nostalgic for my past. I am, on occasion however, quite nostalgic for the fantasies I've held. I sometimes miss the lies I told myself and could make myself believe.
Today was the day of reminders and hard lessons. Necessary, but oh so soon after being cocooned in my tango bliss.
so I lean into the sharp points.
I make myself be grateful for truth,
as I should be,
for seeing things clearly.
But sometimes, I wish the fantasy
would last just a little bit longer.
My teacher's words come back to me . . . some day, she said, you just won't be able to go back, to leave the tango life.
A Thousand Kisses Deep
(the song version*)
The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat.
You win a while, and then it’s done –
Your little winning streak.
And summoned now to deal
With your invincible defeat,
You live your life as if it’s real,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.
I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on Boogie Street.
You lose your grip, and then you slip
Into the Masterpiece.
And maybe I had miles to drive,
And promises to keep:
You ditch it all to stay alive,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.
And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.
Confined to sex, we pressed against
The limits of the sea:
I saw there were no oceans left
For scavengers like me.
I made it to the forward deck.
I blessed our remnant fleet –
And then consented to be wrecked,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.
I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on Boogie Street.
I guess they won’t exchange the gifts
That you were meant to keep.
And quiet is the thought of you,
The file on you complete,
Except what we forgot to do,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.
And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep
The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat . . .
*There is also a deeply moving poem (also by Leonard Cohen) which is quite different (but with similar themes) recited by Cohen himself, here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boaBzKqGqUw
Comments
So for me to follow the way of tango, I don't just put on my tango clothes for the milonga and stand up properly for a tanda at a time.
When I out for a walk in the park I feel the different types of ground through my shoes, the broken paving stones, the soft grass, the gravel. In town I move gently along the pavement in the flow of the dance. When I drive, well you get the idea ;o)
The question I had to answer was "well isn't it so much better dancing at A with X?" And I do love that. But I also love walking under a sky where the clouds do their own sweeping tango to the music of the sun and the wind ;o)
Cinderella - thank you for your comment, I know exactly what you mean. I keep my tango music with me and even if all I get is a few minutes on the bus with D'Agostino - it's enough :-)
Carole - thank you for the heads up - listening to some tracks now. :-)