The Lows - A Thousand Kisses Deep

"Lean into the sharp points and fully experience them. The essence of bravery is being without self-deception. Wisdom is inherent in (understanding) emotions." ~Pema Chodron

After the festival, my non-tango life came back far too soon.

I wasn't ready.

Mondays (especially after so much dancing) are often saturated with tango hangover. The non-tango world seems too bright, too cold, with too many sharp edges. Bad news, crises, politics, business as usual - all took their toll Monday. I danced at lunch to cheer myself up, but it wasn't quite enough.

For once, a non-tango song brought my very tango aching to the surface. As I listened, everything felt so suddenly overwhelming.





"You live your life, as if it's real,
A thousand kisses deep."

I have never been very nostalgic for my past. I am, on occasion however, quite nostalgic for the fantasies I've held. I sometimes miss the lies I told myself and could make myself believe.

Today was the day of reminders and hard lessons. Necessary, but oh so soon after being cocooned in my tango bliss.

so I lean into the sharp points.
I make myself be grateful for truth,
as I should be,
for seeing things clearly.
But sometimes, I wish the fantasy
would last just a little bit longer.

My teacher's words come back to me . . .   some day, she said, you just won't be able to go back, to leave the tango life.



A Thousand Kisses Deep
(the song version*) 


The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat.
You win a while, and then it’s done –
Your little winning streak.
And summoned now to deal
With your invincible defeat,
You live your life as if it’s real,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on Boogie Street.
You lose your grip, and then you slip
Into the Masterpiece.
And maybe I had miles to drive,
And promises to keep:
You ditch it all to stay alive,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

Confined to sex, we pressed against
The limits of the sea:
I saw there were no oceans left
For scavengers like me.
I made it to the forward deck.
I blessed our remnant fleet –
And then consented to be wrecked,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on Boogie Street.
I guess they won’t exchange the gifts
That you were meant to keep.
And quiet is the thought of you,
The file on you complete,
Except what we forgot to do,
A Thousand Kisses Deep.

And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A Thousand Kisses Deep

The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat . . . 

 *There is also a deeply moving poem (also by Leonard Cohen) which is quite different (but with similar themes) recited by Cohen himself, here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boaBzKqGqUw